June 25, 2026
I saw my first rattle snake on the trail yesterday evening. I came around a corner and I heard it. The warning rattle. The snake was in the grass a few feet from the trail. The end of its tail was black and white striped. A diamondback. He didn't bother me. Just gave me the one warning rattle. He was probably laughing at me because when I heard the rattle, I stepped back. But the trail inclined behind me and so I stepped back and fell over! LOL But I was able to pass him with no problems. He was just letting me know he was there. I feel like I am going to be thinking of that snake now every time I go hiking for a while.
I have accepted the fact that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life. I'm just too tired emotionally to worry about that. I'm to the point where I just don't care anymore. I still wish I could be with you though. I still love you. I always will. It's been 2 and a half months now. I wonder what you are doing. I bet you are already seeing someone new. I won't let myself check your Facebook page. Your profile pic still shows up on my page though and I hate that. But I can't bring myself to unfriend you. I try not to see it. I don't want to know. I don't want to see your photo change to you and some new girl. I wonder if you are seeing Erika now. I know KC and Chastity wanted to set you up with her. Or maybe you are back with Tammy.
I don't want to know. But I can't stop my brain speculating sometimes.
April 11 was a horrible day. The drive back was a nightmare. I think I should have just rented a trailer and pulled it myself. Everything would have been fine if it was just me and my mom. But my dad was there, and............... I don't even have words to describe it. Everything seemed fine on the way from TorC to Socorro, except that he drove 40 miles an hour on I25.He thought he could drive the moving van. We stopped at that steak place that you and I had eaten at. I could barely eat I was so upset about leaving you. Then after Socorro, it really got bad. We were in three vehicles. My dad wouldn't go over 40. It was so frustrating! And then we lost him. He had decided to get gas and didn't tell us. And when my mom finally got ahold of him, he said he was lost and was going back to the hotel in TorC ! We had to turn around and find him. And he was yelling and screaming because he was angry. We ended up back in TorC at that McDonalds. It took forever to get him to drive the truck again. Workers from McDonalds came out and stared at us. My mom kept asking him if he wanted to just drive the car and she would drive the truck, but that made him even angrier because he thought that we thought that he couldn't do it. (He couldn't!) Finally, we were on our way again. But he was still driving 40 miles an hour in the truck.
We decided that maybe we should go the back way because we were afraid that he wouldn't be able to handle going through ABQ. He stopped twice on the way to Santa Rosa. Just pulled off by the side of the road and sat there. I guess he was confused??? Anyway, we finally get to Santa Rosa and get on I40 and that's where it really got bad. Yeah, it got worse! It was getting dark thanks to his driving at a snail's pace. We crept along. My mom and I kept speeding up but then we wouldn't be able to see him, so we'd stop on the side of the road and wait. After a while my mom told me to just go on ahead. I did but then I get this call from my dad and he's screaming, "I'm lost I'm lost!" and then he hangs up. I try to call him back and he won't answer the phone. So, I call my mom. She's flipping out and yelling. I stop at a truck stop and wait. My mom can't find him. So, I call 911.
I get back on the highway and go back to where my mom has stopped. It's in Tucumcari at a Motel Six. She talks to the dispatcher and then to the state troopers. The dispatcher calls back and says that they are getting calls about a man driving west bound in the east bound lanes of I40! The troopers find him. They pick him up and one of the troopers drives the moving van to Tucumcari. When they all get to Tucumcari with the van, my dad has the nerve to ask my mom why she called the police! I wanted to punch him in the face!
We leave the van at the motel six in Tucumcari and drive back to Amarillo. What should have been a 6-hour drive took 14 hours! We finally pull in at 12:30 a.m. And I had my cats in the car with me! And on top of that, I was seriously grieving over the breakup. The next day my mom and I drive back to Tucumcari and get the van, and we unload it into the storage building with the help of my son.
